Christmas….*long loud groan*
My birthday is on Christmas and this year is a mess. I’ve been pretty bitter about the holiday for some time now. But after six years of living together and me riding the wave of just say no to Christmas and it’s sell out version of what used to be a fun holiday, The Beast wants to get all into it again. He’s not at all religious like me but he says he “feels bad” for not carrying on anymore traditions for his family or his kid. First of all, his kid is a Jehovahs Witness and isn’t “allowed” to celebrate that or any holiday. Secondly, we DO do the same things every year and enjoy them. We go to my moms house, his moms house and we celebrate my birthday. We have certain traditions, just not necessarily our own. Is this what he wants? If it is, what’s the big deal? I can be Christmassy. I have traditions in my head that I’ve always wanted to an would love to do. Is this one of the things he gets excited about and then gets over? He’s not exactly a take action kind of guy. It kind of hurt my feelings when he brought it up. I immediately felt the same feeling of being outcast once again and being forgotten about. That’s probably fine. I’m bwah bwah bwah years old now and I don’t NEED to celebrate my birthday anymore. It’s just that one day of the year that is mine (even though I try to make every day “me day”) isn’t mine. If he would have presented it as WE need traditions as OUR own little family, that would have been amazing. I would have been touched and felt included. As much as he says he loves always being in a relationship, he’s not very “us”. Y’know?
Christmas is way too commercialized. I hate the obligation of giving gifts instead of the joy of it. I can’t believe the things I hear and see on TV. People stabbing other people because they got the last XBOX. Awkward walks through store fronts because NOW is the season of giving to those less fortunate, not the rest of the year. As much as I love TV, it makes me naseous to see all these stupid commercials and TV shows. The classics are still on thank goodness, but it’s just too much. I’m choking on all this holiday bullshit. I would rather celebrate it as the pagan holiday it used to be. So simple. Just celebrating the season with lovely traditions. Now don’t get me wrong. I DO have fond memories of my childhood and love the spirit of the holiday. I remember the smell of the tree. Cats peeking out from under about to pounce if I touch a ribbon of theirs. My dad putting a 3 hours log in the fireplace and taking pictures of me looking horrendous. The smell of Mom and Dad’s coffee. The tacky decorations that I loved placing on our scratchy tree. The sound of wrapping paper being demolished. Again, cats under a pile of wrapping paper. And of course, watching any/all versions of The Nutcracker. I think with The Beast it bothers me as well because first of all he knew what he was getting into when he met me. I was against the holiday due to my birthday and he was due to him being pretty much an atheist. Perfect match right? Little did I know years later he had been harboring this secret love for it this whole time? I feel betrayed and out of place. What’s funny (yeah, hilarious) is when my nephew arrives (March 2013) I had planned on getting back into it for him because of my fond memories. I would never shun it for him. AND I was talking at work the other day that until he does arrive, I was going to have a doggy christmas, LOL. Focusing it on them this year. *sigh* I’m crazy.
Now after this whole woe as me rant, I’m not saying I won’t put forth any effort. If he ever got his shit together and asked me to marry him, then I would love to dedicate myself to making our OWN family, that’s right I said OUR OWN FUCKING FAMILY traditions goddamit! Sorry. Touchy subject.
On the other hand, if he was willing to comprimise. Say, lean it more towards the pagan holiday it was originally stolen from in the first place, then we can talk. I appreciate and can get on board with that type of thing way more than the blown up version.
Here is an interesting article that explains the bottom line.
True origins of Christmas are rough.
And finally, pagan traditions, some of which I did for years before and after The Beast came along.
So I’m stuck between a gingerbread house and a hard place. Time to chew my way out.
Moving on to the Ballet portion of my post.
To this I say: “AHHHHHH!” There is a masters workshop this weekend and at the last minute, they changed the status from Intermediate/Advanced to all levels aaaaaand I signed up. I’m scared but I won’t be alone. I’m also really bored with only taking class once a week, but I’m hoping that will change at the end of December or the beginning of January. My friend and I want to take classes at Riverside Ballet Arts. The only problem? They are a leo and tights type of establishment. I understand that they want everything there to be uniform, but c’mon. No skirts? No t-shirts? ARGH! I’m so self conscious of my lower belly and thickness in the middle. I appear to be slimming down or at least feeling like I do. I’ve been doing portion control (the second best thing that I can do to lose weight) and eating smart. *beams proudly*
Has anyone had to deal with the leo only situation before? Is there anything I should do to prepare for this 2 hours masters class cuz I’m freakin out man! LOL.
I think that about sums up what I’ve been up to since my last post. Want more random complaints? I think I’ll start tweeting them @thespicymermaid with the hashtag #randomcomplaints or something to that nature. Maybe that will help with my insatiable anger. Sometimes it’s hard being so Spicy all the time.
But no matter what, who is ALWAYS there for me when I’m sad or mad or just want to play like a little kid? This guy.