Why, Wednesday, why?!

My Wednesday didn’t start off that great, guys.

It’s starts at around 8am where I’m slowly getting my morning together when I get a text from my Mom: “Is there a walk today? I’m here.” SHOOOOOOT!! I run a dog walk group on Facebook and I scheduled it at 8am when I meant to schedule it for 9am!! I told her to come over (the park is 5 minutes away) because I definitely wouldn’t be ready to go for an hour. She and Lulu pulled up and I went out on the porch in my robe to meet her. I always do a “left-right” check up and down the street to look for deviants. This time I see something.

We have this friend. His name is Snorklepuss. He is a Siamese cat with a home around the corner. We don’t know his real name. He’s just Snorklepuss and he has visited us various times in the past couple of years. He loves scratchies and if I have cat food in the house, I’ll give him some. Not too much since he has a home and a diet already and that could make him sick or fat. He has to be light on his feet if he’s out in the “wild”!

What I saw laying in the grass next to the curb was a small, light and dark brown object. Oh no! Did he finally meet his kitty maker??? Please, not Snorklepuss! He is so sweet and soft and friendly. He has BEAUTIFUL bright blue eyes and still remembers his adoptive name even if he’s gone or back home for weeks or months. I waited for my Mom and Lu to come inside and told her I have to go look before someone else picks him up. I hurried to get dressed and grabbed a “just-in-case” towel to wrap him in. I did the longest 20 foot walk across the street ever. But to my utter joy it wasn’t Snorklepuss after all! It was my second guess: a piece of bark from a local tree. Oh thank you, Snorklepuss lives another day!

I ran back inside to my mom who was waiting on edge of her seat to see if I was gonna have to scoop up my furry friend. I gave her the good news and happy once again, we grabbed our stuff and headed out the door to go to the park when I realized I had had humans in the back of my Jeep recently so all the seats were propped up! It’s a big construction job to put the seats down and block the mechanics with metal gates, carpet, blankets and floor mats so that Klaus won’t hurt his fat paws. I go to work putting this puzzle back together, then at last, we’re finally off to the park!!!

Things go great as usual when we get there. The weather is so nice even though we’re an hour late, no one was waiting on us from the Facebook group and there are a lot of dogs there which we like for exposure for our dogs. Klaus usually poops right when we get there, but this time he waited until we passed the last trash can available (for some reason, down the path there are NO trash cans!). I picked up his incredibly runny poop x 3 and jogged back to the last trash can to dispose of it so I wouldn’t have to carry his shame for a half a mile. I caught up to my mom and her dog and we finished our hour-long walk and headed back to the cars……. but…… wait a sec………

I thought I had put my phone in my hoodie pocket. Where is that thing???

Uhoh, let the panic commence. I looked in my dog bag, in my pockets, in the Jeep, under Klaus… It wasn’t there. IT WASN’T THERE, MAN!!! What do I do? The park is HUGE and there were so many people here today. Okay well, my smartwatch says it’s not connected, so maybe if I walk around a little, it will connect. I sent Mom and Lu back to my house so she can just go in and start looking even if she can’t tell me if she found it. I pulled a very confused Klaus back out of the Jeep and we hurried back to the spot where I thought I had lost it: that short jog to the poop trash can. UUUGH! I always have a waist bag on or leave my phone in the car for this very reason! But noooo, I wanted to be a minimalist today. My Mom had walked behind me the WHOLE time, so I’m sure she would have seen it fall out, plus her dog won’t let something foreign on the ground go by un-sniffed, let alone something that dropped right in front of her.

To my dismay, it wasn’t in the grass, under leaves or by the trash can… Now what? I couldn’t contact my mom who was back searching my house, so I just went home hoping she had found it. I walk up to the front door and she walks out to meet me. We both have the same face: a phone-less face. I kept saying it HAS to be here it HAS to be! Poor Klaus was wondering what I was doing running from room to room and why he wasn’t involved in this weird game!

When I didn’t find it in any of the rooms, I grabbed my iPad and opened up the Find My Phone app. YES! THERES THE DOT, THERE IT IS, THERES MY PHONE!!!….. Five miles away?! Someone actually has it! Lousy thug! But I can’t just go down to where my phone has been located, that’s so dangerous. I pictured telling my husband I just lost my brand new special edition red iPhone 7 Plus with my brand new case on it. I pictured being without a phone for possibly months due to the cost. A first world problem, I admit but the fact that my communication device was gone forever wasn’t the point. It was that dang iPhone price tag that I felt so guilty about. Since I have the iPad, I wouldn’t be cut off from the world as I could make calls and text with it. All these things are going through my mind within like, 45 seconds. Then I say to my mom: What if I went to where the Dot is? I’m sure she immediately hated the idea but also knew I was most likely gonna anyway. She was totally right.

I took a snapshot of the Dot with my mom’s phone for my journey, left her my iPad so I could contact her and burned rubber driving towards these wicked fiends and the Dot. Unfortunately, I didn’t ask my mom her phones passcode before taking off, so I made what felt like the worlds longest u-turn, busted in my own front door and said, “MOM, WHAT’S YOUR PASSCODE?!”. With deer-in-headlight eyes, she gave it to me and I peeled out again! I didn’t think too much about what I would do when I got there, I was mostly concentrating on safe, fast driving to the Dot.

Since I’m familiar with the Dot’s area, I wasn’t worried about getting lost and didn’t even feel scared. The Dot was in a shopping center. When I pulled up, I took a deep breath and since the Dot couldn’t be specific on my iPad at home, I went into the first business in question nearby the Dot: a nail salon. I said to the front girl, “I have an odd question but, did anyone here bring in or find an iPhone?” She said no but was nice enough to let me bother the patrons. I walked down the rows to ask the customers the same question, when I see a young lady with TWO red iPhones!! I said, “Well that sure looks like it!”. She looked offended and showed me one with a MEGA cracked screen and the other with a clear case on it. My case was red. Yes she could have changed it, but I’ve watched too many crime shows and decided she was innocent. I said, “Sorry, but wouldn’t you be hating life too?” She agreed. I exited the nail salon and went into a few other businesses. The last one was a custom tire and rim store. I asked the owner my question and he said he hadn’t seen it but if it one of his guys has it, he is firing them IMMEDIATELY. He said he hates that kinda stuff. He then asked me a question that made me want to kick myself in the yoga pants: “*points at Mom’s phone in my hand* Did you log on to Find My Phone right now?” ……………. NO I HAVEN’T!! IDIOT!! I logged on as fast as my fingers could type. I didn’t realize I could do that on my MOM’S phone. AWESOME! So now I’ve got an active Dot and I start following it. The tire guy helped me walk around the shopping center trying to find it and even came out later when he saw me talking to a man in case I was having some trouble which sure shocked me because that never happens. I have had little to no faith in humanity as of late. We went into a diner that was nearby and asked my question. Like all the others, they hadn’t seen it. I walked around the cafe, invading everyone’s table privacy just looking for someone playing with my precious phone. Nothin’. Only lots of suspicious faces. I thanked the nice tire man and continued with my search. Still following the Dot, still following…. wait… is it in this parking lot? Is it in this blue car?! This white one?! According to the Dot, my phone was in one of two cars parked in that shopping center!! Unfortunately, according to the law, I can’t call the police on them unless I hear my phone making a noise in or on someone else’s property. I had put my phone on Lost Mode earlier and it’s always on silent so I’m not sure what options for sound I had there. I circled the cars like a hungry coyote for a few minutes, my hopes quickly being dashed. It was just a few inches away, man!

In the frenzy to leave my house earlier, I hadn’t grabbed anything but my keys. I have no money no purse no drivers license, my mom’s phone is at 1%, and I don’t have a charging cord. Alright then! I went back to my Jeep and sat. Maybe someone would come out to those cars in the next few minutes and then I could pounce on them! After all, I couldn’t do this all day. I parked next to the cars in question and sat… but wait…. what’s this? THE DOT IS ON THE MOVE, PEOPLE! THE DOT IS ON THE MOVE! I was of course, compelled to follow it. But, sweet fancy Moses, my mom’s phone is at 1% battery! Welp, I guess I’ll follow them until the phone dies and then head home, since the culprit was heading towards my house anyway. Since the Dot kept traveling, and due to the low battery, I kept saying the last known addresses out loud to myself like a psycho in case the phone died, then I could at least drive by that house or go later with backup (German Shepherd & husband). Okay, well I’m driving and updating and updating and driving. It stopped. The Dot stopped.

I have the address.

At this point, I can only imagine what my poor Mom is thinking happened to me while back at my house. It’s been well over an hour since I took off and as it turns out, I couldn’t call her with her phone to my iPad after all. I couldn’t even call my dad to tell him that Mom was okay because I needed that precious 1% battery for my quest!!

So I’m trying to find the physical address that the Dot is at, but I can’t see the numbers on the street very well… OH GOD OH GOD SOMEONE’S CALLING ME! It’s MY number. Oh, I think, it must be my mom calling me from my iPad. Nope I’m dumb…

IT WAS THE NICE, RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE WHO FOUND MY PHONE IN THE PARK!! A very lovely lady had found it (and then I’m guessing, selfishly went to breakfast first…… just saying…) then calling the emergency number given on my phone, which I had set up with my Mom’s phone number before I left the house. I hugged the lady twice and was so excited that I didn’t even ask her name or give her mine. I didn’t even ask her where in the park she had found it. She said she hadn’t wanted any miscreants to find it first. She remembered seeing us when I told her we were the ladies with two huge German Shepherds. Maybe I’ll see her again!

I’d like to say I wouldn’t have put myself in danger by knocking on their front door, but I’m pretty sure I would have. Without backup. Spanish blood makes me do crazy things, man.

I guess I DID meet two incredibly nice people today, which leads me to think there are more of them out there than I thought. That’s a good New Years lesson, eh?

This story is not made up, because you can’t make this stuff up. It’s just one of many dumb tales about a sarcastic housewife, four dogs and a Dude.

So yes, friends! Here I am at home finally enjoying my evening after a harrowing adventure, with my sweet, trusty iPhone safely………… okay where is it now?!

Seriously, I need pockets.


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